Through me rather than from me.

This blog has always been in the back of my mind. Would I ever return? Of course...right? Who knows.

If I did return I didn’t want to have to try. I wanted it to flow, like all things worth doing should.

Last night I was listening to Eckhart Tolle, as I often do when I’m feeling a little (or a lot) anxious. The question that was asked to him really resonated with me.

“Once you become aware, do you have to have a plan of where you’re going or do you leave that up to the universe to bring that to you for you then to make the choice?”

Ding ding ding! Yes please, dear Eckhart, answer me this. Because I struggle with the hustle mentality. I struggle with the shoulds and the musts. I just want to feel like I’m doing enough without having to worrying about needing to do more.

I abandoned this blog for a few reasons. Students and colleagues were finding it. My ego was frightened about what that would mean for my job in the psychology department. A lot of what I was writing about was ‘in pencil’ and the internet is forever. I wrote about what I was interested in but could not say the topics had been long thought out or long experienced.

Oh the fear of regret, how you can rule me.

The little voice in my head had been telling me I wasn’t good enough, smart enough, or awake enough. Not that it’s completely gone but oh how loud it was back then.

One of the easiest answers to why I stopped blogging was the one I would tell friends who asked why I didn’t post anymore. My answer was “I lost interest in writing”. Fair enough, they would say, thankfully leaving it at that. But that wasn’t the whole truth. (Not that I knew it at the time.) Beyond the fear of judgement and regret, was an even truthier truth that I was oh so close to realizing.

I didn’t lose interest in writing, I lost interest in TRYING to write.

I got tired of asking myself what I wanted to create. Plain and simple. It wasn’t a horrible feeling mind you. A little anxious or a little frustrating at times but not altogether a dreadful task. I just got tired of the trying. Some part of me has always known the truth. That the best creation need not be forced.

The best creative endeavours want to be created, they do not need you to do the wanting.

The act of wanting to create often becomes limited by the needs of the ego. And the ego is always trying to enhance itself first, it cares very little about tapping into creative flow and allowing these ideas to flow through you. It wants to create the idea, own the idea, profit from the idea, all to enhance itself. Even then I knew I had very little interest in that. Now however, I know I am much more interested in ideas being created THROUGH me, rather than by me. And that’s what this feels like. I feel calm, secure and a little excited. A little like when I would create poems in the 6th grade. It never quite felt like I was the one coming up with the words, they would appear and they felt right. I didn’t think about what they even meant, I just needed to write them and I never asked why.

I have let go of any expectations of what I want to write or who I do and do not want to read this. I just feel the need to write again. And I feel at peace, which is a lovely feeling in 2020. If this keeps up, I can’t wait to write again.

Now if only I could remember the URL of my blog (was there a dash?) or even my login... Oh well, if it comes through me, I’ll see you there.

Be kind to others, be kinder to yourself, you deserve it.

Jen

Comments

Everything you think you know about sun exposure is WRONG. Here’s the proof!

I t was a conversation with my doctor, years ago, that first peaked my curiousity about the risk vs. the reward of sun exposure. As I confided in him about the onset of depressive symptoms he asked if they got worse in the wintertime? I practically rolled my eyes at him. I had heard about Seasonal Affective Disorder in my psychology classes, and was certain my symptoms warranted a more serious diagnosis than something called SAD! Still, I agreed that maybe it was possible that I had become more depressed nearing the latter part of winter. But if this was true, I thought, what could possibly be the explanation? Was it because of the shorter, darker days? More time spent inside because of the extreme cold we experience in Canada? What did all these variables have in common? First, A Few Facts Ultraviolet Radiation (UVR) is part of the light spectrum that makes it from our favourite star in the sky to the rock we call home. UVR is comprised of 3 main types of UV rays; UVA,

7 tips to get your subconscious mind to work for you!

So you've watched the secret, or read about the law of attraction? You hear people talking about manifesting and making their dreams come true. You think, hey if they can do it, so can I! Your biggest desire comes to mind and you set off on the path to bring it into your life. You cut out pictures of your dream car, you put it on your bulletin board and on the bathroom mirror. You start picturing yourself in your new car everyday and the desire becomes stronger. After a month your new car still hasn't arrived. You start wishing harder, more often. You're starting to wonder how your new car is going to come to you. The lottery? A raise at work? You start getting frustrated, feeling a little foolish and maybe even angry. You decide this new age stuff is a bunch of junk and you tear down the pictures from your wall, embarrassed you ever bought into the hype. I thought the more energy I put into wanting something, the more I thought about how I was going to get it, th

How to get into Alignment

The best advice I’ve ever been given: “Get as happy as you can, as often as you can.” One of biggest roadblocks of my journey came in the form of the elusive alignment requirement. The word alignment was popping up all over the place. Let’s start with the basics. What is Alignment? The definition of Alignment can vary from teacher to teacher. Some, as with Eckhart Tolle, see Alignment as being mentally situated in the present moment. Alignment comes when we are not dwelling on the past or anticipating/worrying about the future. Mindful meditation is a great exercise to train your brain to slow down and focus on the present. A student of mine combats the stress of university by practicing Yoga. She shared with me that the only time she could slow her brain down and relax was during Yoga class. I immediately recognized this as her Alignment practice! Yoga allowed her to be present not focus on the past or future. However, one should not simply restrict thi

21 Day Reset Part 3 - When to Eat: Slow Down, You’re Going To* Fast.

*excuse the pun ;) Many have now discovered when they eat is just as (maybe more so...) important as what they eat. Fasting is no longer a terrible f word met with tsk tsk noises and warnings about slowing metabolisms. In fact, I was just at a market this weekend and when offered samples I would let them know I couldn’t partake because I was fasting, I was astonished at the amount of people who also fasted or had a story about someone else’s fasting success. Fasting is the quickest way to reduce insulin levels and your body weight set point. Bye bye buddha belly. Studies also point to fasting potentially for longevity enhancement . In fact, longevity improvements are seen with intermittent fasting even without caloric reduction. Fasting can also cause a reduction in inflammation. Inflammation is bad for the joints, the heart, your waist line and can even play a role in cancer and depression. So how can we see all these great benefits from fasting and yet no

3 no-fail ways to re-enter Alignment when you can’t get back in (+ a bonus last resort!)

The flow you experience when you are in Alignment is addicting. You’re feeling fantastic, everything seems to be going your way, life’s difficulties feel temporary and you’re motivated to fix them without complaint. But life requires contrast and as a consequence, once you’ve experienced the magic of being in Alignment, it becomes very frustrating when you’re out and can’t seem to get back in. Your usual get happy tricks aren’t working. Netflix is boring, you’re sick of the music on your playlist, it’s too cold to go for a walk and even a piece of your favourite chocolate just ain’t cutting it today. Here are my top three tricks to get you back into Alignment. Accept it (without judgement) This is number one for a reason. It’s one of the most powerful tools you can use when you’re feeling those negative emotions that are keeping you down. It can also be one of the most difficult steps to take. The good news is that once you start practicing acceptance on a r

Jen Aswell

Search This Blog